Lettuce Pray

I was walking down the aisle
In my local corner shop
I was thinking about drinking
Down an ice cold soda pop
When I chanced upon a counter
Laid with such delicious green
Tasty leafy little morsels
‘Bout the finest I had seen
Well I had to have some lettuce
For my dinner plate tonight
With some oil and juicy lemon
I could make it taste just right
So I grabbed a bag and stuffed it
With the finest greens I saw
Weighed the tasty little bastards
98 grams nothing more
Stuck the price tag on the plastic
Made my way back down the aisle
Paid with cash and made my exit
Gave the ajumma a smile
Strolling down the little alleys
On my way to flat sweet flat
Smiling broadly, striding widely
Dodged the ugly alley cat
Climbed the stairs to the apartment
Went inside and closed the door
Unpacked all my evening’s shopping
When my jaw just hit the floor
Saw the lettuce wrapped up snugly
In it’s plastic oh so nice
Read the label prayed to Jesus
As I recognised the price
Those three numbers all were sixes
Telling me just what I feared
Knees were knocking fingers shaking
Understanding quickly neared
Through my purchase I’d been chosen
By that hairy nasty beast
Satan dearest lord of darkness
Stamped his message on my feast
Now I sit here in the darkness
As the bag begins to shake
Leaves are glowing red not green now
Beg the lord my soul to take
I’ve been cornered in my kitchen
By the devil’s seraphim
To be honest my poor future
With Old Nick is looking grim
I was tempted by the lettuce
Sucked in by it’s hellish charms
Now I’m doomed to spend eternity
In the Tempter’s fiery arms….

Paul Newman Haiku

Sweet bird of youth flown
Fast Eddie’s got Paris blues
Luke has left the church

Slacker Uprising Haiku

Free movie for me?

Not my nationality.

I’ll just go bowling…

Norman Whitfield Haiku

Sad news of Norman

I heard it through the grapevine

The car wash is shut

Rubbernecking

Disembarking

Crossed the road

As the third truck arrived

I couldn’t help but stare

Rubbernecking

My stroll slowed

Water pumped 

And I carried on

Resisted the urge

And still I check online

 

No news yet

Weatherbeaten Haiku

Too late for sorry
He sits alone and unloved
A fallen angel

Home Again Haiku

Greeted by thunder,

And the smell of England green,

Home again and wet.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn Haiku

Imprisoned, exiled

And condemned to Kazakhstan.

Putin’s “Heavy loss.”

Alexander Solzhenitsyn dead at 89 years old.

Margaret Thatcher Haiku

My heart skipped a beat

I clicked the link, face falling

Champagne back in fridge.

Be my Billie

Staggering like a drunken monkey

Stuffed into purple shine

Forklifted down to the groundlings

Your screech turns to honey

Standing precarious, tottering

A wound-up rag dolly

Treacle oozing from your lips again

The crowd wanting you bad

Just one slip of the hat and bam

Elbow flies then forearm swings

You waver slightly and return

To form still no worse for wear

Your syrup sweeter and thicker

Sticks as the clockwork runs down

Your beehive intact

———————————
Amy Winehouse gives Glastonbury her best shot:

Cockroach’s Lament

Too late to call you

I crawl back to the cupboard

And wait for vengeance

I back myself in

Amongst the jam jars and tins

Expecting the end

Just one more mouthful

And my downfall was assured

Tragic figure, me

Now I sit alone

And know that you are still safe

In your hidey-hole

If I had only

Seen the warning signs you gave

Telling me no more

They are coming now

I hear their booms and whispers

Pounding in the floor

Time to brace myself

The door opens and hissing

Acrid fumes enclose

I am surrounded

As I struggle uselessly

I fall deep deep down

I lie here empty

You emerge once more to see

Your lover is lost

Six good legs of mine

A carapace of iron

Withstands all cruel blows

Save the gentle mist

That covers my body now

Damn you pesticide….

Piranha

Seemingly staring

Tiny eyes and flabby lips

Hiding your menace

Spinning 54

Spinning out of control

I land scratching

My insatiable itches

Which place me

Once again

In front of dear Doctor Kim

“More please” I ask

And I recieve in full

I skip skip away

Free from my demon

Flying again

Approaching Thirty Haiku

I approached thirty

Eyes down, head bowed, offering

It my open palms.

Namdaemun (남대문) Haiku

Your propriety

Was not respected. I hope

They catch that bastard.

Wikipedia
Photo
Article
Photo Memorial

Heath Ledger Haiku

Bob Dylan, Joker,

Gay Shepherd and Shining Knight.

Sleep well Ned Kelly.

Gorilla

Gorilla.

I roll the sound around my mouth.

Guerilla.

It doesn’t have the same effect.

Curious.

Revolutionary heroes

And martyrs

Missing a vital open vowel.

Maybe that’s

Why I prefer monkeys to poor

Che Guevara.

Kangaroo Zen Haiku

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

Lee Myung Bak Haiku

Privatizing king

Known canal enthusiast

We’re all going down

Cultural Misunderstanding Haiku

If I name my new

Teddy bear Jesus will you

Please let me go home?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,,-7105202,00.html